I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
