You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
