Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
