I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
