So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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