dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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