I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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