I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
