you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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