Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
