Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
