Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's always time for handjobs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
