her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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