i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
