I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
