we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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