Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
