I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
