Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
