I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
