I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
