I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
