god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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