I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
