Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
