i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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