we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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