I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Couch. On fire.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
