I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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