After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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