Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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