I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
