i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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