I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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