would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
