i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
