Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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