I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
