My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
