It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize