normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
