see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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