I smell stomach acid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
