on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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