i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
