This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
