We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
