He had one of those small greek statue penises
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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