my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
