my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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