he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
