Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
