eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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