I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize