life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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