Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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