The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
