He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
