I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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