I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
