im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
