So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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