At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
