ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
