he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
