AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Randomize
