I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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