if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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