I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
