Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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