Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
