My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
