someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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