May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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