You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
