Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
