Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
