just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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