her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
