i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
